peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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