I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
