Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize