Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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