He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
