he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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