I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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