FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize