"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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