So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You can't just leave with hair like that
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
