Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
