why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
