if i died would you start the facebook group?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
