i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he thought i was a dude.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
