i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
