rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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