i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
