it's too hot outside to masturbate.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Everclear isn't food dammit
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
