having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
