Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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