Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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