He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
