Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
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i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
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Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably