Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
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My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
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If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.