Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.