Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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