we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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