she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
