Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
