She announced her abortion via fbk
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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