I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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