That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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