I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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