It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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