Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
