You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
