Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
where am i from again
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
