somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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