If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
