Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
