You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
