My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
