Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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