when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
