i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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