Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
