I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We need to get me chipped asap
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
