Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
