just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
