How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We left an ass print on the piano.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
