The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dignity is for republicans.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
