just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
