Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
