theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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