is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
