eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
