I'm so fucking centered right now
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
