I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
