So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
