and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
