pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
