i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
