I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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